A few minutes
When I think of how I used to write- for school, for myself on a blog, in old journals, to friends- I almost miss it. I'm not sure how to begin again or what I'd say but the desire is there so the draft is open and my fingers are typing.
Heidi's nap is wonderfully long today. Work is done for now and I've eaten lunch which is usually all I can cram into this quiet time. The house is in disarray- vacation spoils thrown about and begging to be cleaned. I listened to a podcast this morning about anxiety- a subject that's been on my mind and heart for a while now. One suggestion was to look inward instead of responding outward and to put language to whatever is on our mind. Like I said, it reminded me of how writing was a pivotal part of myself before Heidi and marriage, social media and the such.
I've also tried meditating which surprisingly has brought a sense of calm when my heart starts to race and negativity grabs a hold of my heart. There are times when I feel like I have a world to learn and grow into and other tender mercy moments when I feel like my best is the best for now.
I want to be kind to myself- whether I've gained twenty pounds or lost it all. I want to think kind thoughts of others and trust they're thinking the same of me. I want to forget the times I've embarrassed myself and forgive my insecurities for swallowing me whole at times. I want to be strong- spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Being kind is so much more than a childish mantra. It is everything to me right now.